Resting her head on the arm of her turquoise velvet couch, she was looking out her window, enjoying the combination of the floral coral curtains and the pink blush rose bush outside. She was thinking about how the scene made the gray day seem just a little bit brighter.
Looking around the room, she started to think about what else she could do to brighten the space up. Winter, after all, was just around the corner, and there was only so much vitamin D could do.
She considered a few new throw cushions. And if the mood struck, she might even paint a wall. What she really got excited about was planning a new front garden though. “Ohhh, won’t it be pretty with some lavender planted below the rose bush. And maybe a Japanese Maple too!”, she thought.
Meet Genevieve, or Evie, as her friends liked to call her. Today, she was procrastinating for the 2nd week in a row. And despite this moment of respite, she was mostly feeling a deep sense of angst.
A little over a month ago, she found her groove with work, but lately, the most she could muster was a few hours of work a day. And, if her clients weren’t breathing down her neck, she was pretty sure she wouldn’t even be doing that.
Part of what bothered her so much is why it was happening.
It started about 3 weeks ago, about a week before her in-laws were visiting. She went into a cleaning frenzy, cleaning everything from her ceilings to every inch of baseboard in the house. Then, just before they left, she got sick.
Thinking about it, she was frustrated that she couldn’t just get back to normal like her husband. Heck, he was working away even though he was still fighting off a nasty cold.
She knew she couldn’t help it though. It was her witch’s blood. Sure, it was so diluted and she had barely… if any… power, but that was the problem.
Firstly, if she did have a reasonable amount of witch’s blood, let’s just say that the cleaning frenzy would have been much less frenzied.
And second, it seems she has just enough witches blood that it makes her a little (or maybe a lot?) more sensitive. Because of it she always feels a deep restlessness, a sense of wanting, and is in need of something she can never quite grasp.
At least that’s what her mother always told her. Apparently, witches who had barely any powers felt.
Her mother, however, does have power. More than what’s fair, really. This left Evie in her mother’s shadow her entire life. And, she thinks her mom liked it like that.
Evie wasn’t bitter, though. Well, not usually. She found her own way in life. Her own people. And these days, she was mostly content.
Yes, sometimes it was hard to navigate life given her “gifts” (or lack of), but she had found ways of dealing with things over the years.
For example, during times like this, the only thing that worked was letting go of that intensely, almost physical, pain of trying. You know that feeling where your head feels almost dizzy and breathing feels a bit like someone is sitting on your chest because you’re trying to do something but you just… can’t… seem… to… move?
Well, ok, maybe you can’t relate, not having 0.00001% witch’s blood and all. But let’s just say she isn’t always in full control of her actions and there’s an element of pain.
What she’s learned is that all she can do is give in. To her, this means letting go and treating herself to slow mornings, coffee with friends, in-person yoga classes, and even a massage when her budget can make room for one.
And, when her mind wants to wander, she lets it. Like, today.
Not only did she plan her front garden, she went to a fabric store to look at fabric ideas for new cushions. She didn’t buy anything though. That wasn’t the point.
And it was working… It helped ease the pain a little and later that night, sitting on her couch, she rubbed her hands against the velvet feeling grateful for her day.
But, even though she knows she needs this time, she couldn’t help feeling guilty, and frustrated about all the things she wants to do, that she’ll probably never get to.
Her mom, her friends, her husband… they all comfort her, support her, tell her she’s amazing. But to Evie, it doesn’t matter because there is so much more she could do, and genuinely wants to do, but her witch’s blood makes it too hard.
She knows she’ll need to let go of some dreams like she lets go of trying during times like this. That isn’t going to happen today, or even tomorrow though. For her, it means discarding a part of herself and she knows knew that until she can see it as letting go, or releasing a part of herself, she’ll continue to hold on tightly.
For now, she was going to have a cup of tea, watch some cheesy TV, and make fun of whatever show she decides to watch with her husband.
Who’s Evie
Evie is a character I’ve crafted to embody a unique blend of the ordinary and supernatural, weaving a narrative about life with ADHD. With just a dash of witch’s blood, Evie experiences moments of intense restlessness and yearning, mirroring the ever-shifting currents of ADHD. As she grapples with her ‘gifts,’ she seeks solace in slow mornings, coffee chats with friends, and daydreams about home improvements. But beneath the surface, she wrestles with the guilt of unfulfilled dreams. Evie’s tale is a heartfelt exploration of self-acceptance and the delicate balance between embracing one’s true nature and letting go of what might never be.
